Bound by Hope, Hurt by Love? Understanding Trauma Bonding and God’s Path to Healing

Sandy Bashaw
Aug 1, 2025
3 min read

Updated: Nov 30, 2025

Some relationships begin with charm and connection, only to slowly unravel into a cycle of hurt, apology, and more hurt. You may find yourself making excuses, longing for who the person used to be, or believing things will get better "if you just hang on." This emotional struggle is more than just a difficult relationship — it could be a sign of trauma bonding.

If your heart feels trapped between love and pain, you're not alone — and you're not without hope.

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”— Psalm 147:3 (NIV)

What Is Trauma Bonding?

Trauma bonding happens when a person forms a strong emotional attachment with someone who hurts them — often through repeated cycles of harm followed by reconciliation or affection. This dynamic can leave you emotionally disoriented, making it difficult to break free, even when the relationship is clearly unhealthy.

Over time, your brain and body start to crave the brief moments of love or connection, even though they are wrapped in chaos or manipulation. You may start to feel like this kind of relationship is all you deserve.

But God never asks His children to settle for emotional confusion, fear, or dysfunction.

“For God gave us a spirit not of fear, but of power and love and self-discipline.” — 2 Timothy 1:7 (NIV)

Why Trauma Bonds Form

These bonds are not a reflection of weakness — they’re often survival strategies developed in response to fear, instability, or emotional wounds. Trauma bonding may form because of:

Mixed signals: When moments of affection follow harm, it sends confusing messages about love and safety.
Shame or low self-worth: You may start believing the mistreatment is your fault or that you’re too broken to deserve more.
Familiar patterns: If past relationships were chaotic, the instability can feel “normal.”
Hope for change: You might focus on the potential of the relationship rather than the reality you’re living in.

God’s Word reminds us that love is not supposed to be manipulative, harmful, or unpredictable. His design for relationships is peace, safety, and mutual honor.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud... it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”— 1 Corinthians 13:4–5 (NIV)

Recognizing the Signs

It’s common to miss the signs of trauma bonding while you’re in the middle of it. But here are a few red flags:

You justify or minimize their harmful actions
You feel intense guilt or fear about the idea of leaving
You hide the truth about the relationship from others
You constantly blame yourself
You cling to memories of the “good times” while ignoring the pain

Stepping Into Healing

Jesus didn’t just come to save your soul—He came to bring wholeness to every part of your life, including your relationships. Healing from trauma bonding begins with grace and truth:

Acknowledge the truth: Speak it, journal it, or bring it into therapy. Truth breaks confusion.
Reconnect with your identity in Christ: You are not defined by someone else’s treatment of you.
Set small boundaries: Even a single “no” can open the door to healing.
Reach out for help: Christian therapy can offer the tools, prayerful support, and perspective you need to step out of the cycle.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”— Matthew 11:28 (NIV)

You Are Worth Fighting For

No one is meant to live in fear or confusion. If you’re caught in a relationship that keeps you emotionally exhausted and spiritually depleted, know this: God’s heart is for your freedom.

Healing is not only possible — it’s promised. He has not forgotten you. And He has not finished writing your story.